Divorce and Learning to Lean into the Mess with Dr. Elizabeth Cohen

Memorable Moments:

• 2:46: One of the things that I really think impacts relationships most profoundly is communication. And before COVID, lots of people found ways to avoid communication with their partner.
• 7:15: Women have been taught if they do anything for themselves, that it’s something selfish. You know, I talk about deciding that you want a divorce or accepting that the person you’re with wants a divorce is the bravest move you can make, because you’re essentially saying I’m going to accept the reality.
• 7:50: Not only is there no shame, there’s bravery, there’s a resilience and there’s strength in saying when something isn’t working for you anymore and that you need to continue to grow. And some marriages grow with you and some don’t.
• 10:09: Also know that doubting yourself is part of making a really big decision. I’m sure it’s the same with getting sober. You know, it’s this feeling of not being…I think there’s a sense of you’re supposed to be happy or unhappy, you know? And a lot of what we do psychologically, I think what we get into so much trouble [with], is we try to create a narrative for ourselves, like what we’re going to tell a friend, how we’re going to tell our kids what our story’s going to be. And life is not a narrative. Life is so much messier than that.
• 17:12: If you’re in recovery and going through a divorce, I mean, you just have to beef up your self-care. You know, I would say as if you were in the beginning, like, I would tell my clients 30 meetings in 30 days. This is no joke. This is a huge stressor. We know that recovery is challenged by stressors. Lean into the tools that work for you. Share about the divorce in the rooms. You know, don’t hide.
• 20:53: I really want to recommend that people get support from the people who can support them.
• 22:31: In divorce, the ones that I like to use, really shift how we think about divorces as a whole. So my favorite one is, instead of thinking like “my marriage is over, I’m a failure” to think “my marriage came to its perfect completion. My partner and I got exactly what we needed from it. And now it’s time to release it.”

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This podcast is hosted by Allison Walsh and Dr. Angela Phillips. It is produced by Allison Walsh, Ashley Tate, and Nicole LaNeve. For more information or if you’re interested in being a guest on this podcast, please visit www.therecoveryvillage.com/dearmindyoumatter.